A leaf from the dairy of an Engineer
Till date, I was (am) spherically
surrounded with evil complexes. First of all I decide to avoid all girls and
making myself to fashion with the mirror. I tried from dawn to dusk… I
succeeded partially, that is numerically 0.5%. Today I remain somewhat a
success, and major part a failure. Success comprises contact with family
(father1, father2, brother, mama). It also includes following the path of
brahmacharya to a small extent.
Today I became very emotional for
some external, less important and selfish human being. My mind got a bit
relaxed when this external thing treated me unwillingly with aimed profit. I
tried my best to escape from the external thing, mentally not physically.
Somehow I manage myself to be aloof
from that feminine face but I too got trapped by those shaded eyes. I tried to
avid myself from my foreign figure. I am not getting much success. I explained
myself the intrinsic truth in view of self-profit which derailed me from the
track of brahmacharya.
I have the least amount of respect
for others and the emotions they feel. I should change that in myself. Nowadays
moral things are converting into self-actualization. I belong to the ID group
and not the ego group which is of major importance to me. I must enroll myself
in the super-ego group with super Brahmacharya.
With this many broken thoughts gripping my mind, its painful to let my mind wander off into the world I live in. Well I am going to get out of bed every morning.. breath in and out.. attend classes.. all day long. Then after a while I don't have to remind myself to get out of bed.. and then after a while I don’t have to think about how … great and perfect I had then.. it was a million tiny things and I knew the first time I touched her, it was like coming home.. I was just taking the DEC book from her hand and our hands touched… and it was magic...
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